My name is Tina Taylor. I am a wife, a mother, and a licensed professional counselor. I am excited to start this blog and want to tell you more about it.

This blog is inspired by my work as a professional counselor. Many times, I find that clients are apprehensive about therapy. I tell them that therapy is simply a time to pause life and reflect on where you are and where you want to go. With this in mind, I entitled my blog PAUSE, as it is designed to initiate a moment of reflection. I will introduce topics on living, relationships, emotions, and more; then, it is up to you to interact with that topic and consider ways you can implement change in your life.

If you find that the blog impactful, please share it with someone. Now…it is time to PAUSE.

We all have goals we want to accomplish in life. In pursuit of our future goals, we also must live in the present. That means there is always a long list of what is necessary for today. When you consider your to-do list, it can be difficult to identify what is Urgent and what is Important. To many people, these words are synonymous.

Before COVID-19, we would say that we were addressing life by doing important things. Our lives look different than they did 90 days ago, yet somehow, we are a bit happier now than we were when doing what was “important.” Why is that? Perhaps what we thought Important was actually just Urgent.

The Urgent are tasks that have a deadline. They seem to make demands and scream “Finish Now,” but when do the urgent things ever end? There remains an endless need to respond to emails, complete project deadlines, finish the laundry, and return calls. We do our best to find an endpoint that will allow us to sleep peacefully, only to rise the next day and immediately return to the “urgent” tasks.

All the while, what is Important is often left undone. Keeping contact with family and friends, starting the book we wanted to write or making that decision about the retirement account we wanted to open. Many Important things do not have deadlines. Most tasks that are Important are not Urgent. Important things in life quietly speak to us about our futures and require intentional effort. Unlike the Urgent, when we do the important things they will last for generations to come.

If Urgent and Important were people, who would you like to work for?

This post was inspired by the book “The Tyranny of the Urgent” by Charles Hummel. Check it out.

Pause and ask yourself these questions: Am I tired of being emotionally hijacked? Am I tired of thoughts of uncertainty? How can I guard my heart and LIVE FREE?

The year 2020 has included a list of major events that will go down in history. It seems that each time we get used to the “new normal”, something even more extraordinary happens. While change is inevitable, frequent change can be unsettling. No matter what is happening in the world, though, remember that building a consistent life is always possible.

Building a life that has a low impact from the external sources speaks to the condition of your heart, mind, and spirit. These intangible parts of you require the most care. The only person who can care for your heart, mind, and spirit is you. No matter where you live, giving attention to your invisible parts can keep you living free from fear, anxiety, and hopelessness.

How do I guard what I cannot see? In today’s world, guarding your heart may look like being intentional about what you listen to and what you watch. It may also include monitoring the number of hours alone versus the number of hours with others. Ultimately, monitoring negative input is a sure way to guard the invisible parts of you. We need to reflect and relate to keeping our heart, mind, and spirit healthy.

“Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life.” – King Solomon

Life is full of choices. We make them every day, throughout our day. From what we will wear, what we will eat, to the route to the store. We are constantly making decisions and they happen so quickly that it can become a fleeting thought. Then there are moments when we are stuck with a choice and not quite sure what to do.

When you are faced with a tough decision how do you typically respond? There are many different responses to the hard choices in our lives. Every person and every situation is unique. What may also stand out is if there is a pattern to your response. That pattern may reveal how well or how poor you make decisions.

As we try to create the best life we can for ourselves there are a lot of choices we can make. The power of choice is a God-given gift. Regardless, of how you feel, you are equipped to choose. We must be aware that the choices we make have immediate consequences but also consequences that will affect our distant future. With the pressure of this thought, we may find it difficult to make the right decision. Even if you are not sure what to do, there are some things you must not do. Below are two ways we want to avoid poor decision-making:

1.) Allow Time to Decide– Sometimes we get so stuck in making a choice that we wait so long until our indecision created consequences for us. We are so concerned with choosing the right thing that we do not make a choice. We already know that our actions matter in life. What matters just as equally are the things we do not act upon. “I ran out of time” is no longer an excuse. Rather, it is an acknowledgment of choosing not to act within a time frame. When we allow time to decide our life, we are giving away our power to move in life as we desire.

2) Allow Others to Decide. There is safety in gaining wisdom from the different people in our lives. When we allow others to make decisions for our lives, we hand over our power of choice. We relinquish not just the choice, but the opportunity to have a stake in our lives. In the fear of making the wrong choice we trust others to know what is best for us. Do not allow others to make a choice for which you will live with the consequences of that choice. Ultimately every decision you make in life is your responsibility. Even if you allow another person to make that decision.

What choices are facing you right now? How can you keep your power in this moment of decision?

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                          – President Theodore Roosevelt

By this time now, you know that this year is an election year. The television and internet are flooded with election ads or mudslinging…you decide. I imagine as a candidate in any election it is important to know who is on your team. Whether you are Democratic, Republican, or Independent you would like to know there are people out there that think like you and support you in your campaign.

While many of us may never run for an office, we, too, can understand the value of being surrounded by others supporting your dreams and efforts to change the world…or maybe just your world. Having people support us is critical for us as people regardless of our political affiliation. To campaign, or work together in an organized way towards a similar goal, requires at least two types of people on the team.

Just like the candidates, we ought to have at least two people in our lives that can help us win. Those who can celebrate us and those who can correct us. From time to time we may forget what we bring to our circles. We need people who will remind us that we are valuable and we have something great to offer the world. We need people who will eat, laugh, and dance with us. Those are the people who do not have to think about coming to our party. They are the first RSVP and are eager to celebrate with us. Then there are other times in life when we lose our way. We may behave contrary to what we want and lose the road to get there. In those moments, we need people who will correct us and redirect us when we are wrong. There is so much love is not allowing us to fall on our faces. Without these truth-bearers in life, we would self-destruct.

We are our best when we have both love and truth in our lives. There is a saying that goes “Truth along destroys a person. Love alone deceives a person. Truth in Love develops a person.” To be your best self, you need both lovers and truth-bearers in your life. And if you can get love and truth all in one person, make sure you keep them close.

Pause…take time to consider the questions below?

Do you know the people who support you in life? Who are those that cheer for you and encourage? Is there a person in your life who can help point you in the right direction when you get lost?

Have you noticed that a small voice has the power to gain the most attention? Is it because you must lean in to hear? Is it because you must come closer to the person to hear? Maybe it is the tenderness of the gentle voice that brings us close and causes us to respond in the same way.

Most of us do not aspire to be a gentle person. Gentleness does not appear to be a trait that can take you far in the world. Not at first glance. However, a soft-spoken person is not a weak person. It requires great strength to control your tone and volume of your voice. Especially when you are upset or frustrated. To be gentle requires just the right amount of love and truth as you speak. It is something that if we get right can improve all our relationships. I think we all want better relationships. Especially since relationships are the vehicles to getting where we want in life. If this is true, then gentleness can take you far in the world.

If you find that you are having a relationship issue with a spouse, a child, or a friend consider speaking gently to them and see if they will lean into you. Use your strength to balance love and truth. Who knows someone may choose to be gentle with you, too?

At some point in our lives, we have all asked the question “Who won?” Be it at a sports event, election, or cook-off, it is something we all want to know. Winning seems to carry this idea that we are better, right, preferred in some way. There are many times in life we will ask “Who won?” and determining a winner is appropriate. However, there are a few times in life when no one wins rather victory is in learning to relate.

There are moments in life when what was celebratory becomes chaotic and when what was fun becomes frustrating. We see this from a global scale to our individual lives. One minute we are engaged with the people we love and within minutes the conversation has left us feeling frustrated and angry. It seems the more we try to prove why we “won,” the more we stand to lose with those we care the most about.

So how do we keep both our relationships and our principals? How can we stay in a relationship with someone who tramples what we hold dear? Really, how do we know who won?

In relationships, winning is about finding that balance in life when you can share your needs without invading the needs of others. Looking for that place to coexist is how we win in relationships. Sometimes through many conversations, it is decided that we cannot hold the same place wanting different things. Even in those situations, the winning solution is to peaceable part in the pursuit of what fulfills you.  It is a place where you are not infringing on others and no longer are others offending you. This place exists where we all win. It happens as soon as we stop asking “who won?” and begin asking “who are you?”

In the month of January, the USA celebrates Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. This time is affectionately known as MLK Day. It is a time when we reflect on the work of this man and his efforts to bring equality to all people. While his career as a preacher and civil rights leader often landed him in front of people, his true aim was to serve people. His pursuit was not for himself nor his circle. Rather he endured hardship for different groups of people who often experienced discrimination. As a leader, he served others.

As we reflect on the man and his leadership, it may very well serve us to watch his speeches and visit various historical sites. I dare say that the greatest honor to give him maybe to follow the wisdom he found which is that “It is more blessed to give than receive” (Acts 20:35). Serving others was his life course.

What will be your life’s course?

  “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’ “   Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

By now, you may have all heard of the Colonial Pipeline Cyberattack. If not, take a minute and learn about the current situation. This had me thinking of the common phrase in our culture to say ‘I am out of gas.” We use that term to mean many things. In the next few hours, many will say this phrase and refer to the fuel in their car. However, others will say this phrase and refer to the motivation they have for life or life pursuit. What does it mean? How do you avoid being  “out of gas?’

The idiom “run out of gas” is an American idiom that indicates a loss of energy or motivation to complete a task. At different points in our lives, we may feel as though there are things we want to accomplish but may have lost energy or motivation to complete. How is there something we want but can’t seem to obtain?

There are a few things that can cause us to feel as though we are out of gas, or empty. I want to name a few and ways to overcome that feeling.

Discouragement. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. As we pursue many things, we may quickly become disappointed when things do not go as we desire. We have a vision in our heads of how things will work and when they do not we have to regroup and try another path. And this we can do. However, when we are spending more time regrouping than receiving the rewards for our efforts, we can become discouraged and feel as though we are running out of gas for the project.

Work Work Work. When we constantly work with little recreation we will find ourselves losing motivation. We are created to produce and create. We are also created to rest and enjoy community. When this flow is heavy on one side then we will find ourselves experiencing signs of lost motivation and energy. I know you are wondering how recreation can become wearisome but it can and it is a real thing. We see this truth with the super-wealthy, unemployed, and those who retire. They desire to produce and create. Some create a hobby, others remain unhealthy looking for something to do. When there is not a flow between work and rest, we become unhealthy. So rather you work too much or rest too much, you may soon feel as though you are running out of gas.

Support. We all like to know that what we are doing is making a difference. The people in our lives can reveal to us by supporting us or showing appreciation for our efforts. When this is absent, we begin to wonder why we are doing what we are doing. You can see this quite a bit in relationships and corporations. As a spouse, you want to know your efforts in your marriage are working to make your relationship better. As an employee, you want to know that your contribution to the company is not only noticed but appreciated as well. When we receive little to no feedback about what we are doing, we will lose the motivation to continue in this effort. We will run out of gas.

There may be other reasons for feeling low in energy and motivation. Once you identify those reasons, you may be able to bring correction to those things. Doing so can aid you in refueling and finding the necessary energy and motivation needed to complete the task at hand. Nothing is wrong with feeling low, what is necessary is to engage in the necessary activities that will refuel you and bring you back to feeling full in spirit, mind, and body.

Therapy is a great way to address this feeling and learn ways to get better. Feel free to start this week by identifying where you are, what you need, and start the necessary steps to get you where you want to be.

If you have not heard yet, President Biden has signed Juneteenth into a federal holiday. Juneteenth or Jubilee Day commemorates the announcement of the end of slavery to the distant slavery states. More than two years after President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation, many slaves and slave owners did not hear the news. June 19^th represents the day that every slave and slave owner heard the proclamation and the last day any person could own the rights to another person. They heard that slavery was over, and they lived like slavery was over.

There are things in your life that may have happened to you. These things may have restricted you or controlled the way you behaved. The event is over, yet you still behave the same. You are no longer connected to that abusive person. Or you are no longer unstable in your finances. You no longer are told the words “You can’t.” However, at times find that you still operate as though these things are still true in your life. You are still second-guessing yourself and living as though you are less than what you truly are.

Just like the slaves who found out two years later, you are free from those things that would prohibit you from being your best. Just like the slaves, you are free but continue to behave the same.

I want to share with you the truth. I want to tell you something that has always been true: You have a choice. You always have a choice of how you want to live. This is true even though at times we tell ourselves that we do not have a choice. You have a choice of what you want to do in your life and who you want to share your life with.

This weekend, I want to challenge you to celebrate the Juneteenth holiday by having your own Jubilee Day. What would your life look like if you were told that you are free from fear? Free from doubt? Fear from the expectations of others? Who would you be? What would you do?