At some point in our lives, we have all asked the question “Who won?” Be it at a sports event, election, or cook-off, it is something we all want to know. Winning seems to carry this idea that we are better, right, preferred in some way. There are many times in life we will ask “Who won?” and determining a winner is appropriate. However, there are a few times in life when no one wins rather victory is in learning to relate.

There are moments in life when what was celebratory becomes chaotic and when what was fun becomes frustrating. We see this from a global scale to our individual lives. One minute we are engaged with the people we love and within minutes the conversation has left us feeling frustrated and angry. It seems the more we try to prove why we “won,” the more we stand to lose with those we care the most about.

So how do we keep both our relationships and our principals? How can we stay in a relationship with someone who tramples what we hold dear? Really, how do we know who won?

In relationships, winning is about finding that balance in life when you can share your needs without invading the needs of others. Looking for that place to coexist is how we win in relationships. Sometimes through many conversations, it is decided that we cannot hold the same place wanting different things. Even in those situations, the winning solution is to peaceable part in the pursuit of what fulfills you.  It is a place where you are not infringing on others and no longer are others offending you. This place exists where we all win. It happens as soon as we stop asking “who won?” and begin asking “who are you?”